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Hmm... [Aug. 27th, 2006|09:17 pm]
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |"Checkmarks" The Academy Is...]

Maybe tonight I'll think up a new theme for my lj. I love gravitation, but I dunno. I always like seeing something new.

Meanwhile, all these sales at TisY is driving me crazy. God, do I need the money though.

P.S. Tired of being alone.
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(no subject) [Aug. 14th, 2006|02:42 pm]
[mood |hungryhungry]
[music |"Starlight" Muse]

So today I woke up around eight...and laid in bed doing nothing until 11:20. Since Ben had to go back home, I just find it hard to sleep at night, and even harder than usual to get out of bed every morning. At night I think of him and wish he was there to sleep with me, and in the morning I shut my eyes and try to imagine him being there with me.

I knew I had to at least get ready and head up to the college to buy a book, so that's why I decided to get up then. I took a shower and then headed out. I ended up finding a used one, so I saved a little money there. I guess that thought spurred me to go shopping. I think there are only two or three times I will ever go shopping(for myself): when I'm by myself, if I see something that I really really want, or if my mom's buying me clothing. I figured I needed some new clothes, so at first I venture into Wal-mart, being the cheapass that I am. None of the clothes really caught my eye, and everything's always too big for me. I don't really feel like shopping in the little boy's section anymore, so I left for the Target on 173. I find a shirt that I like there, but no pants. I also wanted some different kind of undies, so I bought a pack that seemed all right. Strangely enough, hanging right above them were some manly purses lol. They look more like backpacks, so I bought one for school. Knowing I wanted some pants, I went out on East State to the other Target, lol. Cause I knew there was a brand out there I liked.

Sadly enough, the brand is called England's Dreaming. It's kind of like toned down punk clothing. I found two pairs of pants I liked, one pair I could even wear at work too. Then I found a jacket that I just fell in love with. It's navy blue and it's got the union jack in red cloth stitched onto the front. I like clothing like that, something that looks like it's been pieced together. So yeah, I spent about...$180 in clothes and that backpack today. My bank account's going to look a little slim for awhile.

Ontop of it all, I have a car insurance payment coming up. All I got to say is, thank god I only pay half. It's my only joy of 'borrowing' the car from my dad. God, that's another problem for me. I have to find myself a car. And something I can afford the insurance on.

I think the next step after that is to have night classes next semester, so I can work all day at TisY. That way I can hopefully make enough money to get a place of my own. I have two friends that were thinking about getting a 3-room place and splitting the cost, I just don't know when any of us will be ready to do it. I just want to be on my own, so Ben can move in with me. I just want him here so much, so I can see him everyday, and never have to be alone. Because I think that's one of the things I hate most. I'm someone who craves constant contact with people. I always find myself curled up or cuddled up next to a friend, and I think that's the reason I fall asleep when I'm visiting them...because I feel safe and comfortable.

I wish I had like a sleeping buddy lol. Someone I could just cuddle with so I can sleep. Preferably male, though. I don't think I'd want to rest my head on a friend's boobs haha.
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(no subject) [Aug. 11th, 2006|05:47 pm]
[music |"Get Famous" Kill Hannah]

So uh. Update. Yeah. My boyfriend was over for a week. That was nice, until I had to watch him leave at the airport ^^; I kind of want him back here in the winter. Hopefully there will be snow then. If you want to know more, then IM me. Or call me. Or leave a comment here.

I've been listening to Kill Hannah.

I've been working at Tomorrow is Yesterday. I try not to fuck up too much, seeing how I like working there. I like accidently overcharged a guy by like $35, and no one noticed til the next day. >.>; I know it makes me sound retarded, like how could I do it by that much? Our register system is gay. it's like ISBN, Quantity, Discount, blah blah. I went to go give him a 15% discount on this comic and instead I accidently put 15 in the quantity. Yeah, it kinda happens without notice when you're running on autopilot. Especially on Wednesday, when it's new comic book day and there's always a shxtload of people there ^^;;

I kinda fell at work yesterday, too. I was on a stepladder trying to get a sign down. Leaned too much in one direction and bam, fell off the ladder. Didn't help that I was surrounded by display cases made of steel and glass, either. Which I hit with various bodyparts like my head and knee. I think I hit my elbow on the windowsill next to me, and the sign itself fell on my hip area. Good job, right. My elbow and hip are a bit tender, and I prolly got a bump on the back of my head. I still worked the rest of my scheduled time though, woot.

Yeah. I'm having like no luck trying to find trans-friendly clothing. I want something that like...makes me look like a boy. Maybe I just need a double mastectomy xD; I've stopped using bandages, I don't feel like hurtin my ribs anymore. I don't know what else to use, though. I've been squeezing into tiny bras, but maybe I need new ones. The fabric on my current bras has prolly stretched out by now. Blah, I just want to be flat-chested. And take off my shirt without gettin in trouble. Damnit.

I was thinking about going up to the mall and getting some cute, tight 'emo' pants. But I got my period so I'll go next week or somethin. That and I think they'd prolly give away my hips. Daaaammmnn. I hate this body sometimes.

Someone pay for therapy and hormones for me lmao. Pleazeeee. I'll pay you back when I make it big in art? lolol as if. I think I just might go into the graphic arts area, and like specialize in print-screening. Make t-shirts and shit. Cause those always sell.
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Caps Time [Jul. 17th, 2006|11:55 am]
[mood |hyperhyper]

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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2006|10:58 am]

Did you ever feel like you were not a typical boy or girl?

Did you ever feel different in your own body?

We are looking for gender diverse individuals between the ages of 18 and 56 to participate in a survey exploring the language used to describe gender and sexuality, as well as people's experiences with gender diversity across their lifetime. The anonymous survey can be accessed online and will take approximately 20 minutes of your time. To maintain privacy, all data will be stored in password-protected files, which will be available only to the researcher and a faculty supervisor. Your participation is completely voluntary and can be discontinued at any time. For more information, please contact Tamara Pardo by E-mail at tbp3@cornell.edu.

Survey URL: http://atcdb.cit.cornell.edu/survey//wsb.dll/tbp3/naming-summer2006b.htm
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An Update [Jun. 6th, 2006|02:42 pm]
[music |"Beast and the Harlot" Avenged Sevenfold]

So for those of you who don't know already, this is the start of my third week at Tomorrow is Yesterday. It's mainly a comic book shop. Ok, a nerd shop. The people I work with have all been pretty nice, so it's way better than Home Depot.

I'm hanging out at home less and less. I hardly ever eat dinner here. I'm pretty much hating my dad. For those of you who wonder why, it's because he's a dick and he likes to play games.
Yesterday as soon as I woke up he asked me if my room is clean. Of course it wasn't, I have not been home to do so. So he freaks out on me and says he's going to invade my privacy and check my room once a week to see if it's clean, and if it's not he says he's going to 'clean it.' Ok, so now I got to make sure my room is ok every week now. I'm going to start hanging obscure things on my wall, like half-naked men and women making out and random definitions from my dictionary. Whatever, my room will still be clean. He had me run up and down the stairs 3 times, because I had not vacuumed my room or dusted it. When I finish I say I'm going to hang out with my friends, he tells me I have to do the dishes right then. I have not been home at all. None of the dishes are mine. He says my mom shouldn't have to do them all the time. I agree, but I think he should help out as well, the lazy fuck. After I get the dishes done, I finally go to leave. The keys to the car are not hanging up. I ask him where they are. He says he washed the car and they might be in there. I know this is bullshit because he would never leave the keys in the car. I go out and check anyway, play along with his stupid games. He comes outside with the keys and insists there is a dent on the hood. I see no dent. He actually said "Are your friends jumping on the car? Cause you better tell them to get the fuck off the car." My friends aren't that dumb. No one jumps on my car, and I have not hit anything. So I tell him whatever and I left.

Now I have to clear some things off of the computer, because he's having his computer-savvy friend come over this weekend to check things out. So bye-bye porn. I might burn the rest of my stuff onto CDs, just incase they think it's cool to delete all of my stuff. It's so annoying, the way he acts like he knows so much about this computer. I know more than he does. And me and my mom know this computer is old, and needs to be replaced. It won't happen until it breaks, though.

I have to talk to my mom soon about Ben staying here for a week. I hope they realize he'll be sleeping in my room, with me. I still have to try and make some sort of plans, I just wish I had more time to spend with him. I think everything might feel rushed, or too much. I have to show him about town, and I still want to take him into Chicago. I don't think I can show him all of Chicago just yet, it's such a big city. I guess it can be left for the other times he will be here. I just want to be with him so badly.

I've been insanely horny for the past week. I miss him so much, and there's no one in this town for me to turn to. The only person who I think tolerates my clingy moments is Zach. I wish things were different, though. If I could just have....a friend with benefits, or something. Someone to hold me over and keep me sane until Ben's around ^^

All of my friends are eager to meet him, it makes me happy. I have a feeling they'll get along with him just fine, too. They already said we should all go camping at Rock Cut when he's here, and I think it'd be fun. There's so many things I want to do when he's here, I just have to talk to him. I want to see if early July is fine, or maybe the end of this month. Of course, I have to confirm dates with him first, then go to work and see if I can get them off. I hope they go ahead and give me them, they're the only days I'm asking off. I'm not asking days off for graduation parties or concerts, or anything like that. So I think they might give me a week.

Oh yeah, happy 666.

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(no subject) [May. 19th, 2006|10:21 am]
[mood |blank...]
[music |"Suckerface" Orgy]

I'm not sure what I want from life anymore.

Besides some money.

...okay, a lot of money.

So sue me, sex changes cost a hefty bundle.

I want a lover right now, not a friend.
I'll be spending some time.
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(no subject) [May. 3rd, 2006|01:26 pm]
[mood |bitchybitchy]

Yeah...so I had a feeling this would happen. I kept emailing this webby asking when will my costume be ready, when will it ship, will it make it in time...The first time they said I would have it in the same week I ordered it. Then they said it would ship before Thursday. Now they say it is ready to ship, but because of Chinese holiday...BLAH. So yeah, my costume will not make it. And I am demanding a full refund from those bitches. Ghetto Kyo, here I come >.>;
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(no subject) [Apr. 29th, 2006|10:44 am]
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |"The Crows Are Coming For Us" From First To Last]

Look out for the


From Go-Quiz.com
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(no subject) [Apr. 27th, 2006|09:49 am]
[mood |boredbored]
[music |"Tears of Pain" Silent Hill 2]

I feel like summer is getting closer with each passing day, and the urge to just be carefree grows inside me. No longer do I feel that classes are important, neither is a job. But. I need the education, as well as a job. Without money, I cannot do anything. And I want him here this summer...I keep thinking about how he'll react to everything. The scenery, the places, the things. My friends. I think they all look forward to meeting him. I always talk about him, and how everything is so nice between us, the only problematic factor is the distance. I wish that I could fix it, the distance. I wish I had the money and the resources to move out of this place, and to get one of my own. That way he could just stay with me...I feel kind of selfish, wanting him to leave his home and his family to come here, but...I don't think I could leave all my friends behind. And I want to share my friends with him...I have so much fun when I'm with them, it'd be nice to share that kind of happiness with the person I love.

I want to call him right now..so badly..But I don't want to get in trouble with my parents again. I wish I had some spare cash, to get another card to call him on. I miss him.

Another thing, kind of random...I'm trying to cut soda out of my diet, or at least cut down on it. I know I could be drinking better, healthier things than it, so. Today I picked up a green tea instead of Mountain Dew for my morning class. Sure, I was still tired, but I didn't get the whole super worn-out feeling after a caffeine high, and I feel better for it.
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